but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
