I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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