he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
