Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
