i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
