I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Randomize
