Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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