There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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