We named our party play list daddy issues
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
