what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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