woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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