You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
