Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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