the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
