I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
