everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
handjob tips. give me some.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
