I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
