We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize