Well douche your snatch and let's go!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
