my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
