a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
