He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
