Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
