Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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