margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
