forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
