her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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