It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
