but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize