OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize