I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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