I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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