Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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