never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
