I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
