We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Randomize
