Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
