you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
