I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
