i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize