I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
