We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
