i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
