Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize