trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
