Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
