I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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