He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
