I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
