There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
My ATM looks so different sober.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
