i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
