Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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