Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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