my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
