Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
