he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
