how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
