I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
