I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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