I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Verdict: uncircumcised.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
