And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
