Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
