Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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