This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
