Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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