But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
