I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
