i just wanna soil my oats bro
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
