have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
