I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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